


Not Quite

by redsnake05



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Teenagers, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-15
Updated: 2010-05-15
Packaged: 2017-10-09 11:26:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/86802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsnake05/pseuds/redsnake05





	Not Quite

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gyzym](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyzym/gifts).



Sirius hadn't planned on being caught in the Prefect's Bathroom with James tonight, but the prank had seemed to good not to risk it. Crammed under the invisibility cloak, they crept through the empty room, concentrating on the stealth of their footsteps on the echoing tile. James slipped out from under the silvery material to kneel by the taps of the huge bathtub while Sirius stood above him, listening carefully for any noises. They didn't want to risk a light, so they couldn't use the map, but Sirius didn't mind. He liked the feeling of listening, of being aware and alert and using his senses. He knew he had a reputation for not being able to sit still or concentrate, but that was different. That was public. This was special, just him and Jamie and some prank that needed them to work together, two halves of the same whole.

The door gave a little creak as someone outside said the password. Sirius's hand tightened on James's shoulder in warning, and he was back inside the folds of the invisibility cloak in seconds. They backed away from the tub into the corner, movements nearly silent, and hidden anyway under the noise of footsteps and voices coming inside. Sirius felt James stiffen next to him as he checked that they were completely hidden from view and out of the way of anywhere that people would be likely to walk. Looking up, Sirius saw why.

Lily led the other girl over to a bench and put her arm around her. The other girl - Mary, maybe? Sirius was pretty sure it was something like that - had tearstains on her face as she turned fully into the comfort of Lily's arms. One of Lily's hands patted her back, the other cradled the nape of her neck.

"Hey, don't cry, Mary. It's over now," said Lily, and Sirius was pleased to have his guess vindicated. He grinned down towards James, only to feel his smile fading as he saw James's stare fixed on Lily. He felt the familiar ache in his gut that he had long since recognised as jealousy, and bit his lip.

"Thanks for helping me," replied Mary, sniffling into Lily's shoulder. She twisted her fingers nervously in her lap until Lily brought her hand down to cover and still them. Lily bent their heads together, forehead to forehead, with her hair spilling over her shoulders and shining a dark, rich red in the candlelight.

"I would have done it for anyone," said Lily, firmly, "but I wanted to do it for you."

Mary smiled. It was shaky, but still there, and her fingers turning over in her lap and clutched Lily's. They stayed like that for a long moment, and Sirius could see the comfort and intimacy in their pose, in the way they were turned in to each other. Lily still had one hand on the back of Mary's head, cradling it gently, while Mary's hands were open under Lily's touch. James, nearly vibrating with excitement next to Sirius, seemed to see only Lily.

Pulling away at last, Lily filled a basin with water from one of the taps - not the one James had been tinkering with, Sirius was relieved to notice - and came back, tugging a cloth from her pocket. She dipped it in the steaming water and wrung it out before carefully wiping away the last traces of Mary's tears. As the cloth passed over Mary's cheeks, Sirius watched the look of concentration and care on Lily's face. Her touch was gentle but deft and purposeful, and Sirius couldn't ever remember being looked after the way Mary was being treated. Even when Jamie touched him, it was rough and brisk and full of hearty cheer, as if James only saw his outward persona. As if, in all these years, he'd never looked deeper.

"There," said Lily, dropping the cloth into the water and setting the basin back on the floor at their feet. "That feels better, doesn't it?"

"Much better," said Mary. She smiled at Lily and captured her hand again, this time holding it between both of hers. Lily brought her other hand up and tucked a lock of hair back behind Mary's ear, returning the smile. Sirius had never seen a smile like that on Lily's face before, and James made sure to point out all her smiles as he saw them. This one was tender, full of shared secrets, and the space between the two girls seemed to be too small to encompass what they were feeling. Sirius felt like he should look away, but a glance at James showed that he had eyes only for Lily.

Lily leaned forward the last little bit and pressed her lips to Mary's, soft and chaste. Next to Sirius, James inhaled through his nose and shifted sharply from one foot to the other before stopping abruptly. Then Lily's hand travelled round to the nape of Mary's neck and her mouth opened, and the soft tilt of Mary's throat under Lily's hand was full of trust, and the whimper she made echoed off the tiled walls. The fingers of Lily's other hand slid round to Mary's waist. Hands opening wide and wanting, Mary wrapped Lily close too, and they nestled together on the bench in the flickering candlelight.

Sirius couldn't look away from Lily's long white fingers in Mary's hair, and the trembling way that Mary pressed close to Lily's body, or the way their lips opened and moved for each other, the kisses lush and wet. He had never wanted to feel like this about Lily, but the tenderness and passion between the two girls was slicing straight through what he thought was right and right into what his hormones wanted. The fizz of arousal over his nerves was unwanted but undeniable. James shifted again, sharply, and Sirius slid his arm around his waist, anchoring him and reminding him that he needed to be still. It was hard. Sirius felt his cock filling in his jeans, feeling dirty from watching but unable to look away, and all along his side the feeling of James's body was a heady torture too.

Lily pulled back from the kiss, tugging Mary to her feet and kissing her one last time. "I don't want to do this here," she said.

"Okay," said Mary, leaning into Lily's embrace. Lily kissed her again, bodies flush together. Lily moaned softly into the kiss and Sirius clamped his free hand over James's mouth to keep his answering moan from escaping. James turned into him slightly, one hand coming up to rest on Sirius's hip. The kiss between the girls turned hot again, with Mary's hand cupping Lily's breast and her thumb stroking repeatedly over a nipple. Then Mary pulled back and smiled, and this smile was not shaky or tearstained, but confident and just a little sultry. "Let's go," she said.

As they turned for the door, James leaned a little further over, against Sirius's body, angling to see them walk side by side. The movement pushed his hips up against Sirius's. Sirius froze, not even breathing for the four long seconds their cocks nudged each other. Then James's other hand was in Sirius's hair and he reached up and tugged Sirius down to press their lips together, hard and clumsy. The brief press did more to harden Sirius's dick than the kiss between the girls had done, because those were James's lips against his, chapped and dry.

"Merlin," gasped James, "I want to..." He pushed Sirius back a little, so his shoulders rested on the wall, and insinuated himself forward into the space between his legs. Sirius spread his thighs helplessly for James, both of them nearly invisible under the silvery cloak now that the door had shut and the lights were off. The dark made it easy for Sirius to pretend, to imagine that this was for him, that James would be doing this anyway and not just because he had just watched Lily kissing, touching _loving_ another girl. Sirius knew James wouldn't have seen the love there, just like he had never seen it when Sirius looked at him.

"James," said Sirius, and the name was full of everything Sirius couldn't say, even in the dark. It echoed off the walls, tinny and hollow, and Sirius could hear _I want you, I love you, you hurt me_ in it, ringing off the tiles. James didn't hear that, just pushing forward and pressing another rough kiss to Sirius's mouth, working his hands between them to open their trousers and shove them down just enough that he can get their cocks out.

"Help a mate out," breathed James, wrapping his hand around Sirius's cock. "She gets me so-" Sirius stopped him with another kiss, this one harder as Sirius tried to force the words back inside James's mouth with his lips. He could taste the copper of blood in his mouth, to go with the heavy flavour of recrimination and regret he knew would come soon. James grunted and tugged his hand down. Sirius palmed James's cock through the thin cotton of his boxers, hating himself for the way he hardened further and his breath caught as James moaned. It was so easy to pretend, so Sirius did it again, shoving down the pants and gripping hard.

Sirius kept his eyes closed, even in the dark. He wanted to imagine this was how he wanted it, had wanted it for so long. He let himself listen to James, though, to the sounds he made as he rubbed against Sirius, bucking up into his fist. Sirius let himself pretend that James's hand round his cock was more than just a friend helping him out. He got lost in it, in the sensation of James so close against him, pushing him back into the cool ceramic of the wall. Letting his arousal take over, Sirius groaned and stroked James hard and fast.

It didn't take long, with James grinding against him and into his hand while Sirius rocked against him. It was dirty and low and full of the stink of sweat and pre-come under the cloak, but Sirius had stopped caring. He twisted his wrist and felt James come with a moan all over his hand. James's hand faltered on him, but Sirius just grabbed in, smearing come everywhere, and stroked twice more before he came, not relieved or satisfied, but with a soft sob, and maybe a tear squeezed out of the corner of his eye. He panted and stared up at the ceiling through the cloak, nearly missing James's cleansing charm on them both, and only rousing himself enough to zip himself back into his trousers when James nudged him.

"We'll finish off the tap tomorrow," said James. "Come on, let's get back to the dorm." He turned, just as he normally would, on a normal night, and waited for Sirius behind him. Sirius stepped into place, ready to follow the steps he'd always followed, ready to play his part as best he could.


End file.
